Suffer instead of perform – wait and trust

Hello dear family and friends,

maybe you think now: Oh, is Andreas feeling better again, that he is active again and writes something?

No, not really. Unfortunately I woke up too early today, among other things because of the digestion, which makes itself felt every now and then. But also because of my restless legs. Unfortunately, the RLS (restless leg syndrome), which I have had for many years regardless of the cancer, has been massively exacerbated by the treatment.

That’s almost the worst part: you’re actually dead tired, your legs have no strength, you just want to lie down and rest – but then you have the irrepressible urge, you have to move your legs. And some anti-nausea medications exacerbate that – so I have to take others.

I really feel like I’m in the valley now. The concentration is very short. I can start listening to a lecture, but sink away inside after a short time.

Blood work is also going down the tubes right now; hopefully it will pick up soon. My sense of smell is “spinning” somehow. Some things smell funny, e.g. my toothbrush. Last night there were some grapes on the plate – they had zero taste for me.

The appetite is still there a bit, but first of all I always feel a latent nausea, so I have to eat slowly and in small portions as much as I can. It’s also a terribly exhausting thing – to eat. I always have to lie down again afterwards.

The bicycle stands there – but it stands well. How can I get on it and step on it? I can’t.

During the day, I am allowed to be unhooked from my “restraint apparatus” for a few hours; this is good and gives me a feeling of freedom of movement for a while. My radius is limited to the room and the department hallway.

As disjointed as this blog post is, it reflects a bit of how things are going for me right now, or what’s going on: other than weak hanging around, virtually nothing.

Thank you all for your prayers and messages, pictures and Bible verses, and I look forward to seeing one or two of you again soon.

Best regards